Q. What can I do to deal with the stress of holidays?

Rob and Kerry  looking at their to do list. 

December 1, 2016 

A.  Since the “holidays” are not here yet are you assuming they will be stressful? Be here with us today and let’s get a quick plan. Where do you think the stress will come from?  Too much to do, feelings from past situations, financial and other worries, far to many parties to attend???

First: exhale reallyslowly as if blowing out a hundred candles to let out some of that CO2 you been converting from breathing rapidly just thinking about the days to come.  Second: write down your to do’s and worries.  Now go through the list and cross out a few that you really don’t want to do. Free yourself of some obligations, ask for what you want, pay someone to do a few things or start a new tradition.  Think about what is in your control and be brave about speaking up to see what solutions you can work out.  Send me a short note if you have specific things that this does not address.   Kathleen Kirk kathleen@kirkcoaching.com

Resentment

• QUESTION:  How do I deal with resenting someone for constantly taking advantage of my kindness?
• ANSWER:  Here is a bigger question right back at you!

1. Are you being more kind to that person than being kind to yourself and keeping a boundary on what you are really willing and want  to do or doing it with a motive?

When we are resentful we can look at ourselves first.  Perhaps we gave too much and had an expectation that the person would greatly appreciate or return a favor.  

True giving is a gift of love, which is authentic and in simplest form, means I give only because I want to without expecting something in return.  Yes,  it's so darn hard to look at ourselves before blaming another but that is where our power to change exists. 

Election Angst

QUESTION:    Ughhh..   Some of my friends have really revealed themselves in this election.  I can’t stand to hear what they think and am even disgusted by their beliefs.  Is it best to part ways and find like minded friends?

SHORT ANSWER  Maybe.  Yes, maybe find more people who share your views and maybe stay out of the political arena if you like your friend in other ways.  After all you are “friends” which technically means you got through the sniff test then made a mutual decision to be pals.  Aim to understand instead of aiming to convince them that they are wrong.  Attack the facts if you must not the person.  You ‘ll know if you want to call them names, (like moron, idiot, nasty woman, etc ) you are making it personal vs. listening to their views.  Reply with sounds like, Hmmm, ohhhh , maybea puzzled look, then exhale hard to let that breath out with the silent words you are thinking. 

hello or oh hell, the holidays

QUESTION:  How can I get a better attitude about the upcoming holiday season?  I am dreading it all.

No need for this! See below...

RESPONSE:   Surprise, you are allowed to quit cold turkey!  IF the usual pace or activities are not really the way you want to spend your time you can create a better way going forward.  First get quiet and check in with YOU.  What specifically is a a downer for you and what changes can you make?  What would be more meaningful, fun, or peaceful?  Perhaps this means saying thanks for the invite but we are having a quiet day at home or we are going to switch things up. IMPORTANT: You are not responsible for their reaction!! YOU are responsible for your part, how you speak your truth in an honest, kind way.

If you want a different outcome here is a simple formula.

What do you WANT overall + then SPEAK UP/ ASK others + PLAN it = OUTCOME you want   

Example:  Start with the overall feeling you want:  simplicity, excitement or relaxation then go from there.   

Let me know how it goes:)

What is the difference between FEAR and WORRY?

FEAR is what we feel and then react when we are in imminent danger to protect ourselves.

Examples: a creature is about to pounce on you, a car suddenly pulls out in front of you, an earthquake is shaking the ground under you, the ceiling starts to fall.  Your mind and body go on high alert and before you decide what to do you are already in motion.

WORRY is a scary feeling about something that might happen in the future.  What if...?

Examples: thinking you might get cancer someday, worrying your child won't get into college when they are in middle school, that a plane flight you will be on next week is going to crash.

***The GREAT NEWS is that the majority of our suffering is self-imposed worrying AND it can be reduced. Worrying is optional.

Want to learn how?  Join a workshop or contact me for an appointment.     

Kathleen Kirk        Kathleen@kirkcoaching.com   520-488-8885